If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
