I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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