I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
