On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
