I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think i have two assholes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i think im in europe. pls send help
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