all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
