Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
