dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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