Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
