did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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