Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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