dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
