where am i from again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
