i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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