at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have aggressive nipples.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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