You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
