Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
