I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
