I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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