somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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