Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
