Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
