Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
