Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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