I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
