so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
