My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Blood and glitter go together right?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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