two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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