u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize