i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
cat food counts as protein by the way
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize