Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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