can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
