so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
