dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
