Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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