I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
