Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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