its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
