You're completely useless in the revolution.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize