I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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