Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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