i jhust puked up my retainher.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
