Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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