It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
