Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
