I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
