can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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