yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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