I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
