We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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