Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
