yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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