Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize