so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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