i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
