I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
