drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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