She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
