I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
