I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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