But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
