a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
