all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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