We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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