Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
