I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
