Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
