i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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