I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
