Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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