That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
